Always the last to know

The wife or husband is always the last to know, when it comes to cheating or affairs.

Is this because we are so wrapped up in the situation we can't see it? Or are we too busy thinking about ourselves that we can't feel the distance that has come into the relationship?

I have been through something like this many years ago and many people who knew about the affair tried to warm me and tell me, without actually saying "Hey! your husband is sleeping with someone else."
I was so wrapped up in the kids and the house I obviously wasn't paying attention. I was so naive that I couldn't see or hear the warning signs.

I know that 10 years later this my ex regrets the choice he made, because I left the relationship. Not on account of the cheating, I didn't find out until weeks later after the separation that there was someone else.
He ended up marrying her and having 4 children.

I left for not having a partner, for feeling alone in a relationship with two kids. I have grown a lot since that relationship and I have learned a lot. I was immature, I didn't know much and my ex didn't want to give me the chance to grow into a person.

He still cheats on her he admitted to me years later, he is just that guy. I don't know that what they say about once a cheater always a cheater is true or not, but he makes it seem true. I don't know if she knows or not or is lying in the bed she made for herself, but they seem okay with each other.

I still ask myself from time to time, looking back and asking myself why couldn't I see it? The only thing I can come up with is that I was on a different path. I was more interested in my kids and my home. Different priorities I guess.

Is it because I wouldn't think about doing it, that I automatically think anyone else would?
Why do you think the the spouse or partner is always the last to know?

The truth is nothing will change

When you are allowing them back for another try, there is a fear that sets in. A fear of not knowing how it will go. Will things change? Will they be the same?

The truth is nothing will change.

I will just become more lenient and over look a lot. To be honest, in my experience with relationships I have learned one thing people don't change. My sister often tells me, that I have this knack for being with people I feel I can help or change their world for them.

Every guy I have been with has had family issues.
They have all been the black sheep of them family.
They have all been through a horrible past relationship.

I don't know what draws me to these people, but this is where I find myself.

I am a fixer, a make it all better type of person and I take this upon myself many times, feeling I need to make it better or I know how to fix this.

People don't change, I change.

If you are trying to fix a plumbing problem yourself and nothing you try is working, what's the next step?
Call a plumber? Right?

I mean I try to make things right and make things all better, but sometimes people can't be fixed, they just come as they are. This is either accepted or not.

Maybe, my problem is trying to fix someone, maybe my trying to fix someone needs to be fixed.

I should stop doing this, I should not want to fix anyone.
But when you see someone who is lost aren't you going to offer directions?
Do I help or just let it go?

5 Questions to ask yourself during a breakup

Breaking up is never easy. It hurts not because the relationship may be over, but it hurts because here we go again has hit you hard and you trying so hard to make things right for everyone involved, but your confused and weighing your options. 

The Clash put it best. Should I stay or should I go now? If I go there will be trouble An' if I stay it will be double! I suggest your listen to this song it is a all out scream fest, but do it alone, people will stare. 

I have composed a list of questions you should ask yourself during a breakup to help you when you are trying to figure out what you should do. Keep in mind that there is no right or wrong answer, listen to your heart and do whats best for you.

5 Questions to ask yourself during a breakup.

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Being wrong doesn't make you bad.

Sometimes we have to face the fact that we are the ones who are wrong, but that doesn't make us bad.

My dad once said that I am the worse person to give relationship advice, after all I have had a series of long and bad relationships. But I think that makes me the right person to get relationship advice from. 

I mean don't we learn by watching other peoples mistakes or failures?

I am not claiming to know everything.

I am not using this blog to shoutout how right I am or how wrong my partner is.

I am going to be writing about how I feel good or bad, no sugar coating.

I am going to fight the stereotypes that say we have to be married or living with someone.

I am going to fight the stereotypes that say an older single woman is an old maid.

I am going to fight with all my power to show the world that an older single woman, 

can do anything she puts her mind to. 

I am sorry dad, I know I have failed many times, I may not know what to do to have a successful relationship, But I am sure as hell know what not to do.

So many people worry about being the wrong one in a relationship. Who cares! I would rather be wrong than miserable. 

How about you?