Always the last to know

The wife or husband is always the last to know, when it comes to cheating or affairs.

Is this because we are so wrapped up in the situation we can't see it? Or are we too busy thinking about ourselves that we can't feel the distance that has come into the relationship?

I have been through something like this many years ago and many people who knew about the affair tried to warm me and tell me, without actually saying "Hey! your husband is sleeping with someone else."
I was so wrapped up in the kids and the house I obviously wasn't paying attention. I was so naive that I couldn't see or hear the warning signs.

I know that 10 years later this my ex regrets the choice he made, because I left the relationship. Not on account of the cheating, I didn't find out until weeks later after the separation that there was someone else.
He ended up marrying her and having 4 children.

I left for not having a partner, for feeling alone in a relationship with two kids. I have grown a lot since that relationship and I have learned a lot. I was immature, I didn't know much and my ex didn't want to give me the chance to grow into a person.

He still cheats on her he admitted to me years later, he is just that guy. I don't know that what they say about once a cheater always a cheater is true or not, but he makes it seem true. I don't know if she knows or not or is lying in the bed she made for herself, but they seem okay with each other.

I still ask myself from time to time, looking back and asking myself why couldn't I see it? The only thing I can come up with is that I was on a different path. I was more interested in my kids and my home. Different priorities I guess.

Is it because I wouldn't think about doing it, that I automatically think anyone else would?
Why do you think the the spouse or partner is always the last to know?

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  1. This is very interesting.
    Something like this happened to me years ago as well. Obviously I was too young to be married, but I was in a serious relationship with someone and each time he cheated on me, I knew at the very moment when he did it. Something inside of me shifted and threw me off balance. For a long time I acted like it was okay. I never brought it up, and even some days I forgot about it..and then one day, it just hit me like a ton of bricks: It's NOT okay, and I would no longer live in the dark on purpose.

    I think that many people know before they realize that they know. That may not make much sense, but it's true. When someone we love dearly does something like that, things change drastically. I think that we stay in the dark to avoid the pain and agony of the truth. However, when we are strong enough to deal with it, something clicks and we let it in so that we can feel it, deal with it, and move on from it. :)

    1. I totally agree! I feel That we don't want to see it so we blind ourselves to it. But when we do watch out haha!! I am sorry you have to experience this, but I guarantee it has made you stronger and wiser. You go girl :)